mr3kler

Q:Why did Bin Ladin stop having sex with his wife?
A:Because everytime he would spread her legs he saw Bush!

Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.

What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will happen again!

Q: What do whales like to chew?
A: Blubber gum!

Q: Did you hear about the flying whale?
A: Actually its a whale of a story.

Q: What did the tornado say to the other tornado?
A: You turn me on.

Q: Why do tornadoes move so erratically?
A: They are dizzy

Q: What is a spiders favorite TV show?
А: The newly web game!

Q: Whats a frogs favorite game?
А: It's croak-et!

Q: What do toads drink?
A: Croaka-cola!

Q: What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A: A croaker spaniel!

Q: What does Snoop use wash his car?
A: His hoes (hose)

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

Q: Why did the Great Woolly Mammoth cross the road?
A: Because they didn't have chickens in the Ice Age.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the school dance?
A: He didn't have anybody to take.

Q: What's the difference between a dead prostitute and school?
A: School still sucks!

Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9

Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

Q: What is the most erotic number?
A: 2110593!
Q: Why?
A: When 2 are 1 and don't pay at10tion, they'll know within 5 weeks whether or not, after 9 months, they'll be 3.

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?
A: They already 8

Teacher: "Simon, can you say your name backwards?"
Simon: "No Mis."

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Voldemort: Knock Knock
Harry Potter: Who's There?
Voldemort: You Know.
Harry Potter: You Know Who?
Voldemort: Exactly!

-What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
-You can't tuna fish.

-What do you call an alligator in a vest?
-An Investigator

-What do you call a bee that lives in America?
-USB

"I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

What's the longest word in the English language? "Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.

Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Teacher: Do you have trouble making decisions?
Student: Well...yes and no.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

If big elephants have big trunкs, do small elephants have suitcases?

Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe?
He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop. (mop = швабра)

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.

Q: What is Grammar?
A: The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.