Пришлось помучиться с подбором материала, ибо непереводимая игра слов во многих анекдотах является своеобразной фишкой. Ровно как и в других языках. Что ж, смотрите, что получилось с теми, которые подлежали переводу:
Two fishermen on the lake:
- What fish do you want to catch?
- But this fish doesn't exist!
- Why not?.. Squash caviar exists, and no squash fish?!!
Dentist said to paitient:
- I have two news for you: one is good and another is bad. Which one to tell you first?
- I found three new holes in your teeth.
- And what is the good news?
- Your gold tooth has grown in price!
- Granny! How many kilometers to a neighboring village?
- All the time there was five. Then speciyalists came, measuring-measuring and measured seven. Now because of them two extra kilometers we walk.
Modern 9-year-old kids already have Iphones, Ipads, Facebook, VK… When I was 9-year-old, I beat nettles with a stick and it was funny!
The son quarrels with parents:
- It’s annoying to be with you all the time, always come home in time! I want romance, freedom, beer and girls! I’m living and don’t try to stop me!
The son vigorously goes to the door. Here he catches up with his father.
- Dad, I said don’t try to stop me!
- I don’t stop, son. I’m with you!
Smartphone is a phone where the phone is not a main thing.
My computer is already 6 years old. Next year will take him to school.
- Alex, do you see the stars?
- Get up, dude, our tent is crooked!
А student is sitting. A very gloomy student. Another is coming.
- Why are you so sad?
- Three days before the session left, what to do?..
- What were you thinking a month ago?
- Month before session left, what to do?..
Ну и как же без анекдота про британских учёных!
- Have you heard that British scientists have explained why people don't see aliens?
- Drink too little alcohol?
Вот такие вот приколы...
P.S. Предпоследний анекдот прям про меня. XD
Бонус - британский анекдот, который также трудно перевести на русский, как игру слов с русского на английский:
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.